This one is SO horrible, even for me. So brace yourself...
I just got in this morning and I had to email this immediately it was so...story worthy, I guess. Last night I went with some friends to none other than Sassy Ann's. I was on on a budget due to my lack of employment. But good thing Sassy's is cheap and and all my friends are very giving drunks. Naturally, this evening ends in everyone being wasted and I was talking to a guy.
This guy was a thin, somewhat tall with boyish looks that made him look like he was 12. The most attractive thing about him was that I was drunk. I left him at the bar but he lived in our apartment building. We get back and everyone passes out except for me and I went to the guy's apartment to hang out and drink some more. It was only 3AM and I wasn't that tired. We started making out on the couch and I felt like I forgot something. He asked if I wanted to make out in his room so I said okay but I wasn't going to sleep with him. Hey, even I have morals sometimes. So we kept making out and it got a little bit more intense and there was some PG-13 material but I still knew I was forgetting something and it was driving me crazy. Since I didn't want to sleep with him, I guess, he said he really wanted to go down on me. Never one to argue with getting something for nothing I obliged. So he gave me oral sex for a while. Whenever he stopped he came up to kiss me and I looked at his face and I immediately remembered what I had forgot in my drunken stupor:
I was on my period.
FML.
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I just threw up in my mouth. Ha ha u can't believe that!
ReplyDeleteThis is the most disgusting thing I ever read...
ReplyDeleteOMG HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is the funniest thing i have ever heard. How in the hell do you forget that you are on your period hahaha. Did he say anything????
ReplyDeleteOMG. that is disgusting. you cannot forget that shit. Please tell me you did not kiss him.
ReplyDeleteI think this is one of the funniest things i have heard. How do you forget that you are on your period hahaha. Hey i guess everyone has to earn those Red Wings
ReplyDeleteThese things happen. no big deal. just laugh it off. hahaha.
ReplyDeleteWow .. Bless your heart.. That is so embarrassing.. It reminds me of those horror stories from seventeen magazine I would read as a teenager, but slightly dirtier.. You should submit the story!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so gross. I do not have a weak stomach at all, but this story made me want to vomit. I was thinking the same thing that Goldilocks said. I hope you did not kiss him. That is just disgusting
ReplyDeleteI hope she did. The poor guy is down there working in less than desirable conditions no matter if she is bleeding or not. You have to thank him...doubly so all things considered.
ReplyDelete1. I was wasted and I forgot.
ReplyDelete2. I was way more embarrassed for the guy than for myself.
3. Hell no I didn't kiss him. He leaned forward and I saw and I just was like, I don't really like that and he just wiped his mouth off.
4. He had no idea.
I was so grossed out I just went to sleep and tried to forget. I assume he still doesn't even know. I learned a lesson here. Not sure what it is but I learned something. This is one of the grossest things ever to happen to me and I have seen some grossness. I am such an idiot. I guess it is kind of funny though.
Just to give you the perspective of a guy who has been on the giving end of the Red Wing medal of honor. If drunk enough we will not notice. We might go down on you over and over again, even. There's a chance however that if you won't fuck us on your period when you will let us go down on you on your period then we might kick you out of our bed.
ReplyDeleteThen we'll probably pass out and forget until after we've been woken up (butt naked) by Swayze holding a bottle of jack daniels saying something along the lines of "happy birthday to me" and then drink ourselves stupid (laying in the disgusting sheets from the previous night) before 11AM and when we get showered for a beer run before work(yep, that's right) we'll bust in into Swayze's room with the sheet's we've been lying in for the past 3 hours which have, what can only be described as, a blood scene reminiscent of a murder scene on them. At which point Swayze will leap up and down going "OH NO!WAIT!... I knew there was a reason I didn't fuck that bitches roommate last night!" and then look in his bathroom trashcan to find a bloody soaked tampon.
At this point any self-respecting man will simply stop by the liquor store (on his way to the bar he works at) w/ Swayze and proceed to describe what skanks these women are and then drink liquor w/ the other bartender until customers show up.
From this vantage point I hope you know that men will:
1. not care about going down on you on your period when blackout drunk
2. not remember having done so until he see's the stain you've left on his beloved sheets
3. probably still fuck you, but definitely make fun of you to everyone he knows for all eternity
Tiffany, this kind of stuff only happens to you. How can I be down? (translation: Teach me how to be like you).
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