TCH Gets Tased

So I know I make bad decisions on impulse all the time, but this time really takes the cake. For the newspaper, I went to the Police Training academy to see the trainees being prepared for their roles as police officers and undercover work.

Now, if you read the first sentence of this, you already know this story is bad news bears. I mix with cops as well as I do with Tea Party ralliers. But everyone was entertained by my smart ass comments involving meth busts so we all got along. However, at the end, the trainees got tased by a taser gun. After watching this my curious little monkey head got to thinking. So I VOLUNTEERED myself for the cops to tase me. VOLUNTEERED! The cop doing the tasing was so amused with me he agreed to do it, so long as I put it in the paper and commented on what it is like to be tased. So I signed a waiver and went to the bathroom (because apparently some people cannot control their bodies and piss themselves like drunks when electrocuted, crazy).

After that I put on one of the MPD t-shirts and these two cops held on to my arms so I didn't flail. Then I got shot in the back with a taser gun....don't do this. What happened upon my being, not only purposely, but voluntarily electrocuted by a man was not fun at all. I screamed FUCK at the top of my lungs and fell to my knees instantly. It felt like getting shocked 1,000 times, which is exactly what is going on so that makes sense. But I couldn't move my body at all and my head was about explode. It was like having knives stabbing you in the back and having the pain spread, but it was all internal. It was like a hit to my soul. It was like I got hit by Eric Berry... It was kind of like an orgasm in reverse.

Someone took pictures of this and I asked them to send them to me. I will post them for all to see when they come in. They have to be hilarious. I was screaming and falling on the ground like drunk sorority slut during formal. I think I have a welt too. But they let me keep the shirt that said Police Department. I will do anything for a free t-shirt.

Bottom line: you don't want to be tased. Just like drinking and driving, sex without protection and taking relationship advice from my friends, this is one more lesson I had to learn the hard way.