The Grandest Walk of Shame of Them All

This is dedicated to all walks of shame everywhere.

I have had a walk of shame or two in my time. But one of my college friends had the most epic. So legendary, that most people don't even believe me when I tell them. I don't know how to prove that it is true, other than asking all people associated with the incident what went down. So just take my word for it.

Like so many great stories, this one starts with a bottle of tequila. My friend and coworker, Kamasutra Katie, and I were knocking back shots at this house party some of our coworkers at the newspaper were having. We wrote for this underground paper for UT called the Hangover. Aptly put, I know.

After slamming way too many shots the night got real blurry fast. I vaguely remember Kamasutra Katie trying to walk on the keg as it rolled in the grass and proceeding to land on her face. I also remember her stripping and lip-syncing to some of the Beatles early hits. My boyfriend at the time was mad at me for something I am sure I deserved and left me there so I caught a ride home from some nice strangers at the party who bought me Taco Bell. I love being drunk in college: you meet your best friend or your worst enemy on every street corner.

I was then told I ended up passed out on my front porch by my roommates who drug me in my room, but first they took pictures, in true friend fashion of course. I woke up on my bedroom floor naked to a phone call from Kamasutra Katie. I KID YOU NOT, THIS IS THE CONVERSATION VERBATIM:
KAMASUTRA KATIE: Dude, where the fuck am I?
TCH: How should I know, I left you at the house party.
KAMASUTRA KATIE: Oh man, I just woke up naked in a bathtub. And I have no idea whose house this is.
TCH: Well...shit.
KAMASUTRA KATIE: Where the fuck are my clothes? I literally just have a towel on. I can't leave like this.
TCH: I'm too hungover for this shit.
KAMASUTRA KATIE: Call you back. (click)

You don't forget a convo like that. Kamasutra Katie told me later what she did next. She wrapped a towel around her, searched through the unknown house for her clothes and after giving up decided to take a Walk of Shame back to her dorm. In absolutely nothing but a towel. She said the house was somewhat close to her dorm, fortunately. However, on the way back she had to pass the Church Ministry Row and saw a campus tour. I am glad she is doing her part to encourage students to attend the University of Tennessee. At least she is hot and representing us well.

It has been determined by witnesses at the party that Kamasutra Katie began to vomit on herself sometime after I left and some of her guy friends took her clothes off and put her in the shower. Then they got drunk and forgot and left her there. No big deal, these things happen.

But to this day, no matter how many Strides of Pride I commit or bear witness to, I have yet to see a bitch in a towel. Although, my friend Juka once came close when she walked home in boxers to my house and got the cops called on her for creepin' through some bushes, but that is another story. Today, Kamasutra Katie is a reporter for the society page of a newspaper. I love life's irony.